The importance of healthy relationships

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Long-term social research has shown that the health of our relationships is the most consistent predictor of our happiness and wellbeing. This is particularly relevant to our romantic partners, who play such a big part in our lives. Healthy relationships have been positively linked with improved physical, psychological, mental and emotional wellbeing, and an increased sense of meaning and contentment. 

 

However, the opposite can be true when a relationship is negatively impacted by any number of factors. Research has also suggested that a high number of people seeking support for emotional distress, are struggling with relationship difficulties.

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Joint sessions can 'shine a light' on problematic thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviours, and how they influence a couple's relationship dynamic. A therapist can facilitate difficult communication between partners, helping each to identify issues, and express their emotions, needs, and hopes. Importantly, this means the couple don't have to try and navigate this path on their own, where they can get 'stuck' in a cycle of escalation and worsening interactions, and end up feeling hopeless about the possibility of change.

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It is easy to focus on the negatives when things aren't going well. Highlighting unrecognised or forgotten individual and relationship strengths and resilience, can help to 'reframe' a current crisis mindset, and create some 'space' for reflection. Identifying and working through difficulties together, can transform the relationship as a whole, and the experience of each person in it.

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It can also be helpful to engage in individual sessions alongside this process. Discussions remain completely confidential and separate from the joint sessions, unless the individual involved chooses to raise them.

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Therapeutically, I use elements of a number of counselling models in an integrated approach. This is guided by clients' unique situations.

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'How can therapy help?' 

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As an objective third party, a therapist can support a couple to:-

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• Identify dysfunctional patterns of relating to each other, and work on positive  and practical change

• Rebuild the foundations of trust, intimacy and friendship, if there has been 'rupture', distress and disconnection in the relationship

• Identify, explore and consolidate their individual and shared meaning of relationship 

• Understand how historical family influences shape what each person 'brings' to the relationship, and how beliefs, attitudes and perceptions are impacted

•  Develop a 'toolkit' of practical skills and processes, to help facilitate the effective handling of disagreements and conflict 

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Problems commonly brought to couples counselling

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• Everyday conflict 

• Communication issues

• Disagreements over different parenting values and styles

• Financial stress and different financial goals or beliefs

• The breaking or erosion of trust for various reasons

• Lack of physical and/or emotional intimacy

• Stress caused by significant decisions such as getting married,  purchasing a home, or having children

• Difficulties moving through separation or divorce

• The impact of one partner's mental ill-health on the other, and the relationship

• The impact of one (or both) partner's substance abuse challenges on the other and the relationship

• Dysfunctional personality traits, and the damaging impact they can have on a partner and the relationship as a whole eg: Narcissism

 

Previous client presentations 

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• "Things just aren't the same as they used to be"           

• "Our communication is terrible and causes fights between us"

• "We have become so disconnected"                                             

• "My wife spends all her time focusing on our children and forgets about me"

• "He/she has broken my trust and I don't know how I can move past it"

• "His drinking is causing major problems in our relationship and family, but he denies having a problem"

• "My husband doesn't pay me any attention, and I feel very lonely in our marriage"                              

• "My wife's spending is out of control, and I think she has a real problem"

• "We have completely different values"                                           

• "He had an affair with a work colleague and I think about it every day when he's at work"

• "We fight constantly about the smallest things"                                            

• "My husband doesn't meet my emotional needs"   

• "I've fallen out of love with my wife"                                                                        

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However some couples seek support to consolidate or 'fine tune' their connection and functioning as a couple, as per the examples below:- 

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• "There's nothing wrong with our relationship, but we'd like to have a 'tune-up' a couple of times a year to keep things on track "

• "We'd like to learn some skills to deal with my parents, who are interfering and toxic to our relationship "

• "Our teenage son has a mental illness, and we're looking to strengthen our connection so we can better support him "

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